Review: Ancient Grease (The Vaults)

Review by Daz Gale

⭐️⭐️

Certain things go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong. The T-Birds and the Pink Ladies, for example. John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, to name another. But what about the iconic musical Grease and the Gods of Ancient Greece? That might not seem like the most natural combination, but that is exactly what we have with the premiere of Ancient Grease at The Vaults in Waterloo. Would this musical parody be the one that I want, or would the fates have other ideas?

Ancient Grease describes itself as an immersive musical parody of Gods, glamour and olive oil. It essentially recounts the story of Grease (though not identically, for legal reasons), but instead of T-Birds and Pink Ladies, we have Gods and Goddesses, and instead of Danny and Sandy, it is all about Zeus and Hera. Switching Rydell High for Olympus High, the Fates force Hera to choose her… well, fate, while characters navigate their own sexualities and battle through perpetual horniness as they prepare for the school’s annual orgy.

It all sounds very silly - and it really is. The “immersive” nature consists of the cast frequently interacting with the audience, but that is where it stops, unless you happen to accidentally stumble on a cast member trying to put a prop away in the interval, that is. The musical parody takes all of the numbers you know and love from Grease and puts its own spin on them, with close melodies and drastically different lyrics, while the essence of the recognisable story is buried there somewhere. It just may take you digging all the way to Hell to actually find it.

The problem? It’s just not very funny. I love a good parody - give me a heavy dose of smut and stupidity, and I will happily buy into the premise no matter how ridiculous it is and be game for a laugh. There are several moments that did elicit a small laugh from me, but these were few and far between, becoming increasingly rarer as the show progressed in its seemingly never-ending second Act. It felt like a brainstorming session that hadn’t been tried out on the public before, and some of the misfires were awkward to experience. An overuse of sexual innuendo seemed to be in place of actual humour, seemingly never understanding that context is required for a joke to land. It is also interesting to note that the programme lists both a writer and comedy consultant, though of course what may be funny to one person can be painfully unfunny to another, as was disappointingly the case here. It is quite telling that the funniest moments by far were the ones involving the audience member, usually requiring the talented cast members to improvise - if the ad-libbed material is funnier than the scripted stuff, that speaks volumes about the book.

The mistake Ancient Grease makes is in its stupidity. It takes a lot of intelligence to pull off something truly stupid - look at The Comedy About Spies or Police Cops The Musical for perfect examples of this. Ancient Grease is just stupid for stupidity’s sake, and this means jokes don’t land, nobody ever knows whether to laugh, cry or roll their eyes, and the whole thing drastically outstays its welcome. It is a massive oversight on the part of the production and shows a lack of understanding of what an audience will respond to. Changing the iconic line “Tell me about it, stud” to “Tell me about it, c***” (you get the idea) is the equivalent of a child saying a naughty word because he can and then laughing far too hard at it. It adds nothing, apart from a supposed shock value at the utterance of the word. The repeated use of the phrase “No homo” felt more dated than certain elements of Grease itself - as well as making a joke out of homophobia, it felt strikingly irrelevant in a society that has thankfully moved on. It is also worth noting that there are certain problematic elements of Grease that haven’t aged very well, and recent productions have attempted to rectify them, so it is mind-boggling that a brand new show has come out of the gates as problematic as this one is.

Of course, theatre is subjective, and others in the audience were having the time of their lives. If I were to watch the show without thinking about elements such as the writing and direction, I would have happily given in to the silliness of it all and I am sure I would have enjoyed it more. However, as a show, it is deeply flawed due to issues with both the writing and direction. Ancient Grease does very much feel like a show that is best enjoyed drunk - not that I would encourage anyone to drink to excess in a theatre, but you might find this production even more of a chore sober.

Though the production is clearly working on a budget, I felt more could have been done with the set design and costume design, both lacking in something, though there was one pretty impressive moment involving a set reveal that I would not want to spoil. One thing I will say is how lovely it was to be back at The Vaults, a fantastic space in Waterloo that not everyone knows about but every theatre lover should experience at least once.

Though the writing may have been lacking, the cast did the best with the cards they had been dealt, undoubtedly the best aspect of Ancient Grease. Philippa Leadbetter took on the Sandy role as Hera, playing up the Australian-isms by bursting into Kylie Minogue and quoting Kath & Kim. A dynamic force, she was always a lot of fun to watch on stage. Peter Camilleri gave a solid and fun turn as Zeus, ramping up the playful nature and showing a great knack for comic timing, particularly in his late Act Two solo number. Ollie Thomas Smith was a comic highlight as Hephaestus, even if the material let him down slightly, while Christopher Patten-Walker thrilled as Ares. After wowing as Rizzo in Grease: The Immersive Movie Musical in London last year, the wonderful Lucy Penrose had another riff on the same character, this time playing Aphrodite. Rather fitting as Penrose is a performer easy to fall in love with, and it was a joy to see her do a different take on ‘There Are Worse Things I Could Do’, even if I was crying out for the original lyrics she wowed with last year.

Summer lovin may have happened so fast, but the same cannot be said about Ancient Grease, which continued to plod along beyond the advertised 2-hour runtime. Perhaps if some of the weaker moments were shaved off, it would make for a speedier show that could even beat Greased Lightnin’ in a race. In its current form, however, when it finally does cross the finish line, it is in a limp state. If you have ever seen an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race where they perform a Rusical, Ancient Grease is essentially repeating that. Unlike that short and speedy skit, though, this musical drastically outstays its welcome, never landing the jokes in the way they expected. In theory, retelling Grease with the Gods of Ancient Greece should have been a match made in Heaven. Sadly, though, this production never quite finds its lightning bolt, proving that even the Gods can’t always bring the thunder.

Ancient Grease plays at The Vaults until 31st May. Tickets from https://allthatdazzles.londontheatredirect.com/musical/ancient-grease-tickets

Photos by Flavia Fraser-Cannon